My new medication has been a success though which is promising. However after finishing my first part time year of year 12, returning to school has been beyond detrimental to my mental and physical health. I'll give you this one for free: having a constant and close by support network makes the world of difference. The more isolated you feel, the worse everything gets.
I won't go into too much detail about school but I'll just say that I lost count of the amount of times that I had a breakdown about school within the first 2 weeks...
In my last post I also mentioned that I had failed at the 30 day yoga challenge and the 30 day ab challenge because my mental and physical health had declined. I bring this up because this year I have taken up year 12 PE which includes a 6 week training program which is compulsory. The training programs aim is to improve one health related fitness component and maintain two health related fitness components. This genuinely terrifies me as my education depends on my body to remain in optimum health for a solid 6 weeks. I'll keep you updated on my progress...
Other than that I've been through 6 referrals and 1 psychiatrist and about to had my first session with a new psychiatrist to try and get my mental health under control as this year has been extremely rough. But that is a post for another day, about how lacking the Australian health care system is when is comes to mental health care and services available.
This past year has also left me with a lot of anger and resentment. I resent healthy people. I resent my classmates. I even resent my closest friends. I resent them because they are all doing things that I can't. I can't ever be a normal healthy person that doesn't have to think about the consequences of going out on the weekend will have on my health. I can't enjoy this year of school as my final year because I don't have my friends beside me all the way (Except Eddie, Eddie you are always the exception) and I can't move on to normal things 19 year olds do because I'm still a high school student. I didn't have O week, I didn't have the excitement of starting my education in something that I love, I still have a uniform, I can't relate to my friends when they complain about things at Uni that I wish I could be dealing with, I can't do any of these things and every day it kills a little part of me and I'm scared there won't be any of me left to enjoy doing all these things when my time finally does come around next February.
"Health is a crown that the healthy wear, but only the sick see it." - Imam Shafi'ee
This year has however, taught me a lot about empathy and gratitude, and I wish to pass on this advice: next time you want to complain about something like having a uni exam, try and remember that there is someone out there that would swim the seven seas to be in your position but probably can't do that because their body limits them.
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